Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I think I sprained my soul last night
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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