i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
