just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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