So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
