I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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