I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I don't think brook has ever known best
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
