my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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