my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
