I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
