Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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