...so i touched it.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
