I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
