Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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