My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
