i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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