Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My life is pants optional.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
