Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
