matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i will never coherently bang her
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
