we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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