I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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