Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
