Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
