YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
