OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
