If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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