I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Randomize
