Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
