12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Bring me that man meat
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Never underestimate the power of titties
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
