Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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