I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
if only i could text you this smell
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
