Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
