Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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