Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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