Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
