When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
