Will you blow on my dice?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
