Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
