ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
sarcasm needs its own font
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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