the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
