Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
