i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
