is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
