I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
