i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
