First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
