hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We are all done wearing pants today
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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