he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
