I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
