I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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