Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
