They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Small penises have feelings too.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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