i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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