How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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